For the revision/extension essay, I chose to expand as well as revise the first essay we did in the class regarding an experience which seemed ordinary at the time of it happening but after looking back on it turns out to be of significance in some way. This essay was the one I received my lowest grade on so I hope by revising and extending this essay to achieve a better score and produce an overall improved work. Originally, I wrote this essay about the incident of me finding out that the tooth fairy was not real and at first being hurt but later understanding my mother's reasoning for keeping up this lie. My main critiques for this essay upon receiving it back were to change some redundant areas of the essay as well as to relate the theme back to some social issue. At first, I was uncertain about how exactly to relate this issue back to some form of a social issue without going off topic or stretching the ideas to the point where they do not fit within the essay, Additionally, I was not sure about how to incorporate texts from the anthology, as none of the essays seemed to directly relate to my topic, let alone relate in any ways. However, discussing my essay with Ms. Thoeun helped guide me in the right direction regarding how I can extend this essay and connect it back to a global issue to ensure my essay is relatable for readers.
After speaking with Ms. Thoeun, I plan to maintain this same overall theme but extend the essay by linking my theme to contemporary parenting issues involving certain parenting styles in comparison to previous generations as well as pulling from outside sources such as online articles. These contemporary issues such as "tiger moms" or "helicopter parenting" will aid in connecting my essay topic to other individuals as there has been controversy regarding parenting which does not set children up for the actuality of the real world. This directly relates back to my topic as my mother lying to me about imaginative creature such as the "tooth fairy" could have set me up for failure by providing me with a false reality of what the world is truly like. I hope to achieve a well written and relatable essay by following these suggestions and incorporating further sources.
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